*sees spider in the shower*
Oh jeez I’m sorry lock the door next time buddy
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calender? They each got 6 months.
You Might Also Like
HOW TO DIAGNOSE ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION:
1) It’s not very hard
Any weekend is a Vampire Weekend if you can’t look at yourself in the mirror afterwards.
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
I don’t care if you used to be the village bicycle…
All that matters is that you’re my bicycle now.
You know, it cost $8 for 5 condoms but you can get like 50 balloons for a buck.
I’m using an old Indian trick in order to wake myself up early: Eating several large curries right before bed.
A Chicago High School played Justin Bieber’s “Baby” between classes and students had to pay to stop it – They earned $1,000 in 3 days.
At my funeral I want a magician to saw my coffin in half or I’m not going.
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That’s the last time we’re playing Monopoly.