@UnFitz: "Did you just elect a pope in there?" he asked as the vape cloud billowed from her car window.
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@Darlainky: I’m sorry my dog nipped your ankles, but in all fairness you do have squirrels on your socks.
@longwall26: The ocean is full of sharks, jellyfish, man-eating octopus, and nightmare whales, but make sure you wait a half-hour after eating to go in.
@Marlebean: My kid just peed himself and then had a tantrum because he couldn't see his ear. But congrats on your pregnancy!
@toriTBC: When a guy texts "your beautiful," reply with "my beautiful what?" then laugh and laugh and never talk to that nice idiot again.