@KatieLaveski: Diet plan: make friends fatter
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@KelFocker: I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"
@GeorgeTakei: Marriage equality AND marijuana laws passed? Now we know what Leviticus really meant by "A man who layeth with another man must be stoned."
@bobbiejo448: I don't want to tell you how to run your company, Hostess, but liquidating just as weed becomes legal seems like a bad business decision.
@markydoodoo: THERAPIST: what brings you in today? ME: sharks lack the ability to hug. THERAPIST: *starts to cry*