Difference between GPT-4o and o1. 😁
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If there’s a fine line between being too quiet and saying way too much, i’ve never found it
My Ex is so mean she would train homing pigeons and then move away…
A young Lil’ Wayne sits alone typing lyrics into Word 97 when a cartoon paperclip suddenly appears on-screen.
[Did you mean “digger”?]
I can’t grow flowers for shit but my old neglected potatoes in a grocery bag in the basement just grew legs and marched up here
I’m at the dentist. They put a bib on me and left.
Are they preparing lobster? I hope they are preparing lobster.
I can only assume that when realtors list a “modest home,” that means it is a house that has never once worn leggings or yoga pants
Growing up, Sesame Street taught me the importance of education, empathy, and kindness.
Bugs Bunny, on the other hand, taught me that revenge on my enemies should be quick, clever, and brutal.
My forgiveness comes with the price of never forgetting.
Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.
Me: Are you mad at me?
Wife: Eventually.
What genius called it a ‘bar’ and not an ‘alcohall’?
ignorant poors: We need money! Money is so important!
wise rich man: More important than a delicious orange? more important than a beautiful day at the lake house, or a humble Rolls-Royce Phantom?
Wolverine: [sharpening his claws] so what’s your super power?
Me: I am good at rearranging letters to form new words
Wine lover: [taking a sip of merlot] I’ll drink to that
May have had one breakfast too many
I’m working on my core muscles so I can rise out of a coffin dramatically.
Guessing game but it’s when you’ve bought so many things off amazon you’ve forgot what’s in the boxes being delivered.
Primenesia?
You didn’t make the team.
*me as your life coach
Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.
[sideline]
QB: Do you think I should go for it?
COACH: I say go for it[huddle]
CENTER: So?
QB: Would you like to go for a coffee sometime?
[Checking in at Comic Con]
Attendant: How long did you spend on your cosplay?
Me: Seven months
A: *Hands me a badge marked “Casual”*
A haiku to my boss who asked me to work this weekend:
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha no
Me, thinking about the time the cashier said, “Come back soon,” and I said, “You too.”
Hiphop cereal idea: Ludacrisp
[at doctor]
can u cough for me please?
*coughs*
again please
*coughs*
i see i see. i’m afraid you have a cough
My kids love playing pretend. My 9yo pretends to be a dinosaur and my 13yo pretends she doesn’t know us.
Maybe put an Apple Air Tag in your F-35 jets.
Just heard a dad threaten to spank his screaming son “in front of the world.” Stand your ground, kid. There’s no way he has that technology.
I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death this little fort I made out of mashed potato with gravy as a moat and the carrots are cannons. Sorry, what were you saying?
I only sleep on one side of my bed because the clean laundry sleeps on the other.
me: I just don’t think this relationship is healthy for either of us
bucket of fried chicken: