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@darkmatter_wimp: *dims the lights so you look like your selfies*
@UnimpressedWU: [during sex]
Hand me my reading glasses
@PinkCamoTO: 5 just asked if I was older than Grandma so Christmas at our house is canceled.
@lawyerthoughts: If you see me in court you'd think I was furiously taking notes, but 9 times out of 10, I'm usually drawing a t-rex eating a witness.
@Marlebean: Boss: Staff meeting at 3:00.
Me: I can't come, I'm allergic.
Boss: But we're not serving food.
Me: ... yeah now I really can't come.
@Sorrowscopes: Aquarius: This week you’re feeling crafty. How many household items can you turn into a shank?