Oh no, it’s raining! What do I do? What’s a green light? What’s a stop sign? What’s a blinker? Where’s the brake pedal?
Do men prefer straight or curly hair? Need to know so I can tell my roommate the opposite and then try to steal her boyfriend.
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I farted alone in a room and then my girlfriend’s dad came in. Now I have to pretend like something is dead in the walls and help him look.
[at SunMaid farms with a guy]
Guy: so is this a date?
Girl:… No? These are raisins
I’m sick of my girlfriend’s husband starting shit
Shout out to Debra on Facebook for saving lives by letting everyone know that the snow is slippery.
My cashier at the grocery store bagged the tomatoes with the ketchup and I swear I could hear them screaming.
I wonder if anyone being chased by a bear has ever tried just turning around and saying in a really stern voice “NO…Bad Bear”?
Snooki, but without the orange tan and poofy hair. And she’s in charge of North Korea.
How did the date go?
Aww what went wrong?
-*thinks back to accidentally popping a zit into her soup* She just wasn’t my type.
This new generation doesn’t knock they just text to say they’re outside, so I text back to say we’re inside. Two can play.