Do people who take performance enhancing drugs know nothing of coffee?

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When I was in high school we had to do an assignment where we kept a food diary and I worked at Baskin Robbins so one night for dinner all I wrote down was 14 waffle cones and 1/2 cup hot fudge and my teacher sent me to the counselor.


I got 66 problems and being upside down is 1


*approaches checkout with bird seed*
“that all for you today?”
Yes. How long does it usually take?
“For what?”
For them to grow


My daughter found a new boyfriend.
I’m just glad the police haven’t found the old one.


if aliens show up and they’re nice, we’ll take them captive. and if they’re mean, they’ll take us captive. anyway, happy thanksgiving.


It’s when I saw the children playing with their toys completely wrong that I knew I had to step in


“This may be our 85th viewing of this movie, but we’ll watch it as intently as if it was only our 23rd”