Do people who take performance enhancing drugs know nothing of coffee?

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jus found out the B in lgtbq+ stands for Bisexual & not Bible … losing hope in humanity .. but i still feel safe knowing the L stands for Lord .. the G .. for God .. the T for The catholic church .. and the Q for Quality time praying


Him: Can you pay? I left my wallet in my other pants.

Me: You have other pants and you wore those?


Wow she actually noticed me!

Time to pick a different tree.


My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.


We really need to stop with the cute names for devastating storms. Winter Storm Voldemort would be taken much more seriously.


I dreamt I was getting attacked by a bike repeatedly.

It was a vicious cycle.


Folks are worried about global warming and social security, when the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.


That awkward moment when Batman opens the condom compartment instead of the Batarang compartment in his utility belt.