Adding “and shit” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and shit.
Do people with insomnia know about Coldplay?
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what if peach and bowser were married the whole time and we were really just controlling a paranoid schizophrenic plumber trying to kidnap his old highschool girlfriend
Wanna know what it’s like to have kids? Picture one of those automatic ball-pitching machines, but instead of balls, it’s questions. And it never shuts off.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
Me: welcome to my painting podcast
[wet slapping noises for 75 minutes]
Me: it’s a mountain
Music star Kenny Rogers announced his retirement yesterday.
In other news, Kenny Rogers is still alive, apparently.
Wish the trash would take me out for once.
Omg I’m so thirsty-
*Kool-Aid Man busts through wall* OH YEAHH
*Sugar-free zero calorie Kool-Aid Man jiggles door handle* LITTLE HELP HERE
My mom always told me to treat people how I want to be treated but… It’s not nice to just spank people & pull their hair.
the word ‘freelancer’ originally came from medieval knights who would kill evildoers for the king and THEN NOT GET PAID FOR EIGHT MONTHS