I can’t understand a damn word this accent pillow is saying.
Do you have to go to the bathroom?
How about now?
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
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u guys do know that when u say “frig” we ALL know what you mean? At this point u might as well just say “frog pig” its not even that bad
Me with a pronounced limp: *walks awkwardly
Me with a mispronounced limp: “Blimp.”
ME: *shows girl my bedroom* This is where the magic happens.
HER: There’s not even a bed in here.
ME: Are you sure? *pulls a bed out from behind her ear*
HER: Holy shit!
Thou shalt not commit adulthood
Are you alone? Afraid? Lonely? Then you’d better turn up the TV because I just heard a noise
When I realized my boyfriend said we should ‘break up’ & not ‘break dance’,
I was sad, but also relieved.
Sorry I flinched when you told me you loved me. I’ve been practicing my poker face. Can we try again?
Plastic silverware: because the only thing I hate more than poisoning the environment is washing dishes.