Pet names convey familiarity and endearment. For example, honey pot, baby cakes, Succubus.
Doctor: I’m sorry, but your Dad’s in a coma.
Doctor: He’s in airplane mode now.
Teen: OHHH NOOOOO!!
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Angel: They’re gonna shave you & make stuff outta your hair
Angel: They’re gonna ride on your back & use you to pull things
Horse: Got it
Angel: And you–
Cow: You got anything a little kinky?
Angel: Oh we got you covered
Students, unfollow me now. Tonight’s drunk subtweets might sting a little.
Especially you Britney. Your lab report was a pile of dog shit.
wife: I want you-
me: [takes off clothes]
wife: -to do the laundry
me: [puts them in washer]
The wife wants to try period sex
“Seems unsanitary to me”
I dont think u understand-
*wife bursts in wearing medieval armor*
[at the club]
Her: C’mon, lets dance!
Me: Ugh, ok…one second *zips off cargo pants into shorts*
[about to invent toaster]
i want a jump scare before eating burnt bread
Flight attendant: Is there a doctor on this flight?
Dad: *nudging me* that should’ve been you
Me: Not now Dad
Dad: Not asking for a YouTuber to help, are they?
Me: Dad, there’s a medical emergency happening right now
Dad: Go and see if “what up guys” helps
ME: *in tears* So anyway, that’s why I think she left me
PERSON ON ELEVATOR: Please, I have a family
What do you mean a good old fashioned ribbing has nothing to do with this rack of baby backs?