Starbucks, where 11 members of staff frantically do things behind the counter, yet not one of these things appears to resemble a hot drink
Doctor: I’m sorry son, it appears you have… Jenga-itis
Me: [trying to pull the doctor’s shoes off without him falling over] is it bad?
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You guys know monogamy is NOT a type of wood, right?!?
“Hey baby ditch the zero *stares silently until lenses transition into sunglasses* and get with the hero.”
EXCLUSIVE: Text of mysterious “second letter” to EU commissioners.
The older I get, the less ‘life in prison’ becomes a deterrent.
Had a talk with 12.
M: Do you know what a period is?
12: Yes, mom, it’s the dot at the end of the sentence.
M: Good talk
I don’t know why I would want to “Keep Up” with them…
I don’t even know where Kardashia is.
(geography’s not my strong suit)
hmmm if I had to pick my favorite Charcter from Jurassic park I’d have to say it would be, the dinosaurs
Pro Tip: Make sure you wear your Fitbit on your dominant hand so you get credit every time you lift an ice cream cone to your mouth.
I can’t date a guy who’s afraid of spiders. He can be afraid of stuff I’m not. Like, nachos, maybe. That’s fine. I can take care of those.