No thanks, $30 haunted house. I can watch the news and get scared any time for free.
Does anyone else start hearing the Jumanji drum sound right before their kids come home from school?
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Just hired a dirtying lady. About to watch her and my cleaning lady fight it out.
Never trust a fortune teller buying more than 1 lottery ticket.
Boss: You need supervision.
Me: *squints really, really hard*
My 4yo just noticed me trying to throw out an old, wrecked piece of Lego & by the look he gave me I’m afraid to go to sleep now.
YOU TWEETED 23 TIMES TODAY. RT @realDonaldTrump People ask me what I do in my free time. The answer–I don’t have any.
I’m such an introvert. #Introvert #Introverted #TeamIntroverted #Shy #SoShy #2Shy #2Shy2Talk2You #ShyBoy #Blushes #NoEyeContact #SoftTalker
I thought I put my 9 year old to bed hours ago and he just casually walked out of the playroom and said, “Think I’ll go to bed now, I’m beat.”
It’s 11:15 pm.
Meteorologists are always good looking because we won’t stand for being lied to by ugly people