@sweetmomissa

Does anyone else start hearing the Jumanji drum sound right before their kids come home from school?

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@AbbyHasIssues

No thanks, $30 haunted house. I can watch the news and get scared any time for free.

@MrGeorgeWallace

Just hired a dirtying lady. About to watch her and my cleaning lady fight it out.

@WilliamAder

Boss: You need supervision.
Me: *squints really, really hard*

@suzieQ0007

My 4yo just noticed me trying to throw out an old, wrecked piece of Lego & by the look he gave me I’m afraid to go to sleep now.

@Molly_Kats

YOU TWEETED 23 TIMES TODAY. RT @realDonaldTrump People ask me what I do in my free time. The answer–I don’t have any.

@markleggett

I’m such an introvert. #Introvert #Introverted #TeamIntroverted #Shy #SoShy #2Shy #2Shy2Talk2You #ShyBoy #Blushes #NoEyeContact #SoftTalker

@Parkerlawyer

I thought I put my 9 year old to bed hours ago and he just casually walked out of the playroom and said, “Think I’ll go to bed now, I’m beat.”

It’s 11:15 pm.

@dumbbeezie

Meteorologists are always good looking because we won’t stand for being lied to by ugly people