Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike
Does anyone know the cheat code to set life to easy mode?
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HEAD SCIENTIST: Hey, what did you guys do with all the nuclear waste?
*distant Godzilla noises*
Moose: Sorry, I need to quit this yoga class.
Yoga Instructor: NahMooseStay!
I want to be the guy in a rap song that justs says YEA
“honey why is our water bill so high?”
*water bill sits there holding a bong*
hahahah duuuude i don’t know man. DORITOS. DO WE HAVE DORITOS?
I worry about people who write “taken” in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren’t we helping to find them?
My son asked me the definition of impending doom. I just said, ‘you know when you smell dog poop in the house, but you can’t see it?
*puts salt and pepper in shopping cart, pushes real good
It should be: “COVID-19 declared a pandemic by WHOM.”
I get Bi with a little help from my friends.