pennywise the clown taps into the deep rooted fear we all have that the clown who lives in our sewer turns out to be murderous
Does grape jelly go bad or do I just have wine jelly now?
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Bad cop *plants drugs in perps car*
Gardener cop *adds mulch & Miracle-Gro®*
Hydrate the goths. No government stands a chance against hydrated goths.
Woo-hoo wife is gone for the evening so you know what that means
*practices repertoire of silly walks all over the house
*adds two new ones
If you cut off my head I’ll continue eating for two more days.
*primitive gungans defeat battle droids*
*Stone Age ewoks beat elite stormtroopers*
*improbable underdog story defeats logic and reason*
My favorite thing about being a parent is lying to my kid
Me: The doctor cuts off our tails when we’re born
8 y/o daughter:
He wasn’t even meant to be at the party, but when she took a bite of the salsa laiden chip and then placed it back in the sauce to reload it, he knew he had just met his soulmate. It was serendoubledipity.
[ants at a Def Leppard concert]
*Pour Some Sugar on Me starts*
Ant 1: Oh hell yeah I love this one
Ant 2: Sugar is good for us and the queen