We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@CornOnTheGoblin: [DOG MAGICIAN] think of a color, any color...is it...gray?
[OTHER DOG] oh my GOD
@ImFordTough: hey girl are you my ceiling fan because i'm pretty hot but also too lazy to get up and turn you on
@better_off_dad: Me: ‘This may be the beer talking, but that is a VERY sharp outfit you have on.’
Cop: ‘Step out of the car, please.’
@turtledumplin: Why do you look surprised in all your selfies? Didn't you know you were taking the picture?
@ThatMummyLife: Husband: On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese.
Me: *heavy breathing* Keep going.
@goodtimenoel: Note to self: Before committing any murders, get head and shoulders. Can't be leaving DNA all over the place.