Don’t argue with strangers on the Internet.

Save up all that negative energy for your coworkers and door to door salesmen.

You Might Also Like


pregnant wife: what should we call it if it’s a girl?

me: herbert

pregnant wife: but what if it’s a b-

me: himbert


I hear you knocking at my door. You thinking I’m going to answer it is your second mistake.


I stole one of those Krispy Kreme “HOT NOW” signs and hung it over our bed because good communication is important in a marriage.


My life would have been very different had I done anything with the same intensity as brushing my teeth on the day of a dentist appointment.


How to pick up a woman at Walmart.

Very slowly and team lift with your legs.


The guy I just cut off thinks he’s gonna destroy my car with high beams.



-Moses when the cops found the peephole he installed in the Womens washroom.


Haha, murder? No officer, I just wanted to see what would happen if I planted a human


My daughter just described someone as “looking like she was drawn from memory” and I think that’s the best insult I’ve ever heard.