Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.
You Might Also Like
The only way I’d see Taken 3 is if Liam Neeson gets kidnapped and his daughter has to rescue him
Jesus: one of you will betray me tonight
*checks phone*
Jesus: WHO IN DAD’S NAME UNFOLLOWED ME?!”
*judas slyly slips phone back in robe*
My mother had eight kids and she’d buy a box of six Pop Tarts. Don’t tell me about your childhood problems.
me: i feel like you only want me for my body :/
the demonic spirit possessing me: no elle, why would you think that?
Lady at dog park: Did you adopt your dog?
Me: No, he’s my biological dog.
[dark alley]
Dealer: so what you want
Me: a gram
[dealer opens trenchcoat, revealing multiple grandmothers]
There is no room in this room cause you brought an elephant with you
8yo: daddy what’s your best talent?
me: hmm I don’t know, maybe being a dad?
8yo: no that’s not it
(Sigh) I thought “The Scarlet Letter” was a book about red stationery….
Mock anti-vaxxers all you want but they’ll never have to deal with their kids during those angsty teen years or go broke paying for their college.
Spider van
Spider van
How do spiders drive a van?
10 on top
10 below
Where would you like to go?
Get in.
Get in the Spider Van.
If I was a vulture, I would make way better use of it than most vultures now. For starters, I would do a lot of ominous circling over weddings.
meal prep? you mean putting on a bib?
* on a date *
Date: So did you make any New Year Resolutions?
Me: I’m on a diet.
Date: So what will you order for dinner?
Me: Well, I usually get 2 pieces of pizza, but tonight I’ll only order one.
Date: Wow-that’s amazing! You’ve got some will power!
Me:
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that’s my cat and we’re not done with our accupuncture session.
How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult? It’s like, oh you gave birth to me? Please enjoy this fancy candle.
I put my baby on the baby changing station in the bathroom and when I was done, it was the same baby. 🙁
Yellowstone visitor upset bears didn’t show (Would like park service to train them):
When a nurse checks your blood pressure they should immediately clarify whether it’s good or bad. “130 over 90” ok cool are we just saying numbers
If each day is a gift, I’d like to discuss the return policy.
don’t like how strawberries have their seeds on the outside. kinda freaks me out. put a shirt on u little weirdo
Parents, if your child asks, “Why do you look so tired all the time?” Don’t sugarcoat things; let them know you didn’t start looking this way until after they were born.
“No pain, no gain!” I scream at myself while bending over to cut my toenails
I have a dream that my son will one day live in a nation where he will not be judged by the size of his boat but by the motion of his ocean.
My neighbour keeps making cutting remarks like “you really need a better lawnmower”
Jane: I miss England
Tarzan: Me not know you do beauty pageant
ME: [throws bouquet]
FLORIST: i asked you not to do that
to the lifeguard saving me: how long can you hold your breath
Me: whew, can’t wait to forget about that period of time and move on with my life
iphone featured photos: you will forget nothing
I can think of a few ways to dirty up a bedroom..
*eats a nature valley granola bar on your bed, spills milk on the floor, wipes my face on your pillow*