Queen: I have just born two twin boys. Which one will end up taking the throne?
Advisor: let me take their temperature
Advisor: ah, this one is running a fever. He shall be king
Queen: how do you know?
Advisor: everyone knows warm heir rises
Don’t forget to check your backseat for murderers! Haha! No, but seriously bring me a coke it’s hot in here.
You Might Also Like
My husband can’t tell if the dishwasher is clean or dirty but anytime I pull out one of his tools, he’s right there to TED talk me through it.
Many English names are derived from occupations, like Fletcher (arrow maker), Cooper (barrel maker), or Cunningham (tricky pig).
*grabs your ankle from a storm sewer* if your barbie doll needs a hula hoop use an onion ring
Me: I look like shit today.
Shit: you wish buddy.
I dance in my car, unashamed, in hopes of one day driving beside somebody as fun as me and sparking a dance off.
Alien Archeologist: this human was buried covered in chicken bones, we theorize he believed in a poultry afterlife.
Me: (25,000 years earlier, climbing into a KFC dumpster in the dead of night)
No thanks, diet. I don’t trust words that are 75% die.
Earthlings are the most dangerous of all the lings.