The last time I was 100% sure about a decision was in 3rd grade, and that box of 64 crayons with the built in sharpener didn’t disappoint.
Don’t forget to smile today, but not that creepy smile that makes us all wonder how many bodies are buried in your yard.
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[at dry cleaners]
Me: Hi, did I drop something off here a few weeks ago?
Son: *walks out from back* Daddy!!!
*takes off hat*
“I’m afraid I have some bad news ma’am”
*puts on her hat*
“I’ve stolen your hat”
I like to whisper my questions to the Librarian so they can ask me to speak louder
[Runs into old school friend]
Him: hey you’re that guy who held weird grudges
Me: And how is my eraser?
Dog: BORK BORK BORK
Human: STOP BARKING
How Dog Interprets this exchange
Dog: LOUD NOISES
Human: ALSO LOUD NOISES
Dog: O COOL WE R MAKIN LOUD NOISES TOGETHER NOW FREN LETS KEEP GOIN
Human: MORE LOUD NOISES
Dog: UR SO GOOD AT THIS
Sometimes at the gym I’ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I’ll get my shorts on.
It’s bad enough I have to worry about people when I leave my house now I have to contend with Pokemon as well
If two cannibals fight
Does that make it a food fight?
TIDE: Hey, where ya goin’?
MOON: Oh, um, I’m just gonna go over here.
TIDE: Okay cool I’ll come too.
MOON: No, no, that’s fine…
TIDE: This is fun, ilu so much.
MOON: That’s nice, I’m actually gonna go back to where I was.
TIDE: omg that’s amazing, me too.