@wickedsuga: Don't just assume I'm crazy. Let this wedding album I photoshopped you into speak for itself.
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@thatdutchperson: [blind date] Her: so do you go on a lot of dates? Me: *sucking the gravy from my plate* a lot of first ones.
@_wangwe: Hold the door for your girlfriend. Listen to the door. Tell the door everything will be okay. Leave your girlfriend for the door.
@Elizabazinga: [House Hunters episode] HUSBAND: I'm a Dorito artist WIFE: And I restore used napkins part time HUSBAND: And our budget is 1.2mil
@KentWGraham: If I ever run out of food, I can survive for 3 or 4 days on the stuff stuck to the walls of my microwave.