Roses are red
Violets are blue
will be used
Don’t stand in the rain if you’re stuck in a shit storm
You Might Also Like
be careful if you wear the same clothes everyday you’ll turn into a cartoon character
I just watched one bird chase another bird from tree to tree for five minutes.
It was probably over a stolen tweet.
Me: I’ll drink to that!
Person who brought me to church: [whispers] We usually just say “Amen.”
the devil has a tape recorder containing the sounds you made when you sang aloud with a group but didn’t actually know the words
Police Sketch Artist: How about now?
Me: Look I already told you, the fruit bowl is nice for perspective, but I wasn’t mugged by a naked guy
I’m writing a horror story. It’s about a girl who forgets her headphones and her colleagues think it’s ok to talk to her. So much blood.
“You’re a ten?”
“On the PH scale, Cuz you basic.”
Of all the millions and trillions of literary devices, hyperbole is my favorite.
I told my friend he’s a bad thief. He’s not taking it well.