my sixth birthday party was so formal that we roberted for apples
Don’t you hate it when you leave your gym bag in the hot car and all your Hershey Bars melt?
You Might Also Like
Funny how our parents used to tell us not to talk to strangers online but now that’s the only way to make friends at school
War & Peace wasn’t written to be downloaded on your iPad, Carol. Tolstoy wrote it for you to carry around and impress people with.
Him: Toast me some bread please?
Me *raising wine glass
Here’s to bread!
cat: *plays fiddle*
cow: *jumps over moon*
dishes: *run away*
farmer: *sets down bong*
Me: THANK GOD YOU CALLED I’VE BEEN SO WORRIED ABOUT MY CAR WARRANTY!
You guys stole those words from the dictionary.
Sorry I only date guys who are at least 6’ (away)
me: *kicking stirrups* go on now git
gynecologist: stop that