they’ve hired a PR firm
Don’t you hate noticing that an office memo says it’s for discussion purposes only and you have to unfold your paper airplane?
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“Veggies?” The subway sandwich artist looks at me smugly. He knows I only want meat & cheese. He knows I fear the judgement of the line behind me. His hand hovers over the pale, wet lettuce. A bead of sweat drips down my forehead. The air between us crackles
*helping son with math problem*
JUST WRITE 75 GODDAMMIT!
Her: I’m going to the gym
Me: Bring me back something from the vending machine
If you’re doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government’s been hiding.
Washing – 30 min
Drying – 1 hour
Putting away – 7 to 10 days
Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s most likely where you left your car.
Girls love when you hug them from behind and whisper sweet nothings in their ears. Strangers, not so much.
“asparagai” is what i call multiple asparagus, but don’t take my word for it. get your own word for multiple asparagus
DOCTOR: Have you been exercising for 30 minutes a day?
ME: Yes. I do The Robot to annoy my kids.
DOCTOR: That’s not…
ME: TECHNOBOT CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER HIS SICK MOVES, DOC!