Bruce Willis on a jetski, being pursued by a pug on a smaller jetski
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their Gods lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
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When your friend wants to do a drive by but none of us can see that good at night anymore.
My 5-year-old just asked if we could have Hotdog Bell for dinner.
There is no Hotdog Bell here.
I’m not sure if there’s a Hotdog Bell at all.
I just unlocked the “My House Was Robbed Because I Checked in on Foursquare” badge on Foursquare!
So what’s a personal strength?
And a failing?
“I murder people who don’t hire me.”
Every time I open my mouth, some idiot starts talking.
I’m offering a $1,000 reward to anyone who brings me $1,000 and two tacos.
How come I have to do all this work and you do nothing all day?
– my 8yo while doing one chore
I only eat free range chicken because I only eat food that was given the illusion of freedom before it was murdered
I don’t always make my order as complicated as possible, just when the server is showing off by not writing it down.