@_NinJar

[Dr.]
“Your blood is 40% cheese, if you eat ANY more you’ll die”
*slowly raises piece of cheese to mouth*
“Don’t do it”
*eats cheese*
*dies*

You Might Also Like

@LostFelicia

Him: Who ate a whole pan of pigs in a blanket??
Me with crescent roll crumbs stuck to my lip: Burglar.

@OllyiConic

burglar: [sits up in bed] did you hear that

wife: [sits up] oh my god

husband: [sits up] why are you in our bed

burglar’s wife: [walks in] you son of a bitch

@iGreenMonk

A boy met a girl

She:Every time u smile, I feel like inviting u to my place

He(smiling):Why thank u.. are u single?

She:No, I’m a dentist

@TheMichaelRock

Some schools are banning Santa so they don’t offend non-Christian students. That sucks, because Santa is my favorite part of the Bible.

@Home_Halfway

PROFESSOR X: What is your super power

LOU BEGA: I can mambo a 5th time without having to mambo 1-4 times

PROFESSOR X: Astonishing

@ohen39

wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it
me: [peeing on jellyfish] this is for stinging my wife

@david8hughes

My friend got stung by a jellyfish so I took a massive shit on his leg & he forgot all about the jellyfish.