Dragons were fun-loving creatures, but when told a good joke they tended to snort and grill the storyteller. It earned them a bad reputation

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“What’s your favourite Pixar film?”
“Up, yours?”
“No need to be like that I was only asking”


VERY difficult to convince the apple store people that you’ve only ever dropped your phone 3 times if you dropped it twice in the store.


I’m watching a guy on tv who makes a living simply by having opinions about hockey wondering which one of us is the bigger pile of shit.


No, you can’t have candy for breakfast. Don’t be silly. Now be quiet and let me finish my peppermint mocha frappuccino.


My Bestie just got banned from Taco Bell. I cannot wait to hear this story. I have given table dances at Taco Bell and not got kicked out.


25% of twitter users are on medication for mental illness, which means 75% are running around untreated.


Hey y’all, I finally got a smart phone. I’m a big girl now!

Anyone got a 5 year old I can borrow to teach me how to use the damn thing?