“do you have any pets”
[remembers girls like sensitive guys] a cat
“what’s his name”
[remembers girls also like tough guys] missile launcher
*draws chalk outline around my VISA card*
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*somehow manages to beep at you sarcastically*
You must first feel comfortable in someone else’s skin before you can feel comfortable in your own.
You don’t care if I ever get laid again, do you?
I don’t mind meeting her parents. It’s her husband I have always been avoiding.
Good for you when one door closes & another door opens. For the rest of us that usually means we’re in jail.
He died doing what he loved, trying to use a hammerhead shark for carpentry
I hated muffins until I was 17 & saw someone remove the wrapper on the bottom of a muffin before eating one. Prior to this, I thought it was just part of the muffin eating experience & would angrily eat muffin wrappers because… I just thought that I had to.
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won’t blow her up until tomorrow. I don’t want to seem desperate.
*goes into kitchen
*sits at table
*opens Sunday paper
“WHO ARE YOU & WHY ARE YOU IN MY KITCHEN?”