Finding Nemo 2? I swear, if that kid gets lost again Finding Nemo 3 better be where child services locks the dad up for extreme negligence.
Drink coffee. It saves lives. One cup will decrease your chances of murdering someone in the morning.
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It sucks when something bad happens to someone you hate. Nobody will let you gloat. It’s like you can’t even enjoy your own joy.
*scrawls note on deserted isle*
TRAPPED ON ISLAND! HELP ME!
*sends off in bottle*
*it returns, months later, with reply*
NEW BOTTLE WHO DIS?
Delivering eulogy at o’possum’s funeral: Before I start I’d like to give Jeff a few more minutes to come around.
Me: Aww, a bear!
Bear: You’re being audited by the IRS.
Me: Oh no, a bad news bear.
A wise man once said… absolutely nothing.
He let her vent and then they had sex afterward.
Them: You have a choice-
Me: I’ll take the bad choice, please.
I feel like trying new things in bed. Like getting up for instance.
I didn’t watch the video you sent I just waited 3 minutes then wrote hahaha
Men don’t use the Internet. Don’t believe me women? Go check your man’s search history. Guarantee it’s empty.