Maybe artists wouldn’t be so starving all the time if they’d just eat all that fruit they’re always painting.
Driving isn’t about making the moves you want, it’s about preventing others from making the moves they want.
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Guys I don’t think the people who run the world are very good
Don’t worry, men. Women can’t tell women to calm down either.
Just lookin for a girl to help me organize my plastic bag drawer.
[american civil war]
soldier: god this is terrible I hope no one reenacts this
Parenting tip: If your kids are fighting in the back seat of the car, stick your arm over and swing it around a bunch. That’ll show em’.
“You know your addiction is bad when you lie and say you’re at the gym when really you’re out shopping” is the title of my autobiography.