@RyanKeith15: Drugs don't kill people. People that don't have drugs kill people.
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@Donna_McCoy: I reward people who go looking for dust in my house with the satisfaction of finding some.
@KenJennings: I subscribe to Groupon because it's good to know which nearby restaurants have mediocre food & will probably be out of business soon.
@MarfSalvador: [being buried alive] murderer: *out of breath* how are you eating the dirt so quickly
@trevso_electric: It's summer. We're young. Let's sneak into someone else's pool and skinnydip. If we get caught, we stab them and assume their identities.