@shkeeber

Dude, why did you buy Grand Theft Auto 5? I mean, honestly, you live in Detroit. You could’ve just gone outside and saved yourself $50.

Dude, why did you buy Grand Theft Auto 5? I mean, honestly, you live in Detroit. You could’ve just gone outside and saved yourself $50.

- @shkeeber

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@JaiWalker

Childless people wondering what it’s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.

@CherBear162

If vid games answered back in real time they’d move lots more units

I DIED? BULLSHIT!

“Maybe if you didn’t suck..”

*slams x-box on floor*

@dafloydsta

Genie: Sure about this?
Me: C’mon do it
Genie: It’s your last wis-
Me: I WANNA BE RICH
Genie: Alakazam! Hi Rich, I’m Genie

@ValeeGrrl

*eats half a pan of brownies while making salad for dinner*

@ShoutingGoddess

When idiots talk to me, I just imagine they’re saying, ‘I’m an idiot,’ over and over. Makes it easier to nod in agreement and not get cross.

@Amburglar_

I teach curse words and racial slurs to children whose parents allow them to run around restaurants.

@pan_duh

Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.

@pimecorp

up next on house hunters: this couple finally decides to leave the hubbub of the big city to seek eternal serenity inside the heart of a dying star

@FiannMacFool

Sociophobia is the fear of friends.

Sociophoebea is the fear of just the ditzy one.