Just because I’m gay, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to please a woman.
You buy them a dress with pockets.
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
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“I can’t wait to feel you between my thighs tonight,” I say to my new memory foam pillow, which has been helping realign my spine while granting remarkable relief from lower back pain.
apartment hunting is going well
My 18yo just gave me access to his private Twitter account. I’m not sure if I’m mortified or proud. I need 15 minutes and the Urban Dictionary.
Me: Hey look in the water, there’s a bloodstained oar
Friend: That’s foreboding
Me: Damn it Gary I know what they’re for, stop patronizing me
My body is a temple, please leave pizza and tacos at the altar.
Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. The worst that can happen is embarrassment, social shame and everyone thinking you’re an idiot
me: my phone is always on silent
them: don’t you miss calls?
me: yes 🙂
Why do parents train babies to peek with the game peekaboo but then spend the remaining childhood telling them not to peek?