@onyxaminedlife

Dungeons and Dragons is popular because it appeals to the human fantasy of having a group of friends who can come over at a regular time

You Might Also Like

@Brampersandon_

BOSS: You forgot my birthday didn’t you?
ME: *lighting candle* No what gave u that idea?
BOSS: idk maybe that candle stuck in a urinal cake?

@MrGeorgeWallace

I’m just sayin’, corn dogs are gonna have to pick a side when the shit goes down between corn and dogs.

@Jenn_H_Scott

When I worked at Olive Garden I once had a man get really mad at me because the red sauce was made with tomatoes and that’s basically what it’s like having kids

@ChrisHallbeck

Why do birds
Suddenly appear
Every time
You are near?
Just like me
You’re secretly
Made of bread

@BrassBallsCJ

Friend: I’m just not sure if she’s into me.

Me: Try faking your death. If she brings a date to your funeral, I’d say that’s a hard no.

@krakkenlackin

“You are what you eat” I chant furiously, shoving another roach in my mouth. Mushroom clouds keep growing in the distance

@Pro_Jones_

Me: Mozart was a great composer, but now that he’s dead he’s a great

Wife: I swear to God I’ll divorce you

Me: *through tears* Decomposer.

@Chase_Observes

Don’t believe in aliens, huh? Explain how people in the 1800s got on top of those bicycles with the huge front wheels.

@pinupteacher

After seeing my dog scoot her butt across my rug, I’ve decided I need to up my break dancing game.

@kelly_pawlluck

Cute guy: I like that you just say what’s on your mind

Me: Why do you think Ginger was the only band member named after an actual spice?