We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@Poutymcgee: [during sex]
If you say Jesus backwards it sounds like Sausage.
@liv_thatsme: "Got a dog."
Me:WHAT BREED? WHAT COLOR? WHAT'S HIS NAME? HOW BIG ARE HIS PAWS? IS HE A GOOD BOY? DOES HE SNUGGLE?
"Had a baby."
@jazmasta: [Walks into steam room at gym]
"good morning my.."
"Please Dave no.."
"..My eSTEAMed colleagues"
"Everyone hates you"
@geowizzacist: ER Nurse: Let me get this straight. You microwaved your food for too long and burned the inside of your mouth?
Me (mouthful of bandaids): Yesh.
@JohnLyonTweets: You know what? If Argentina wants to cry for me, I’m okay with that.
@SaraESpivey: Only in America would they name a state after a bucket of fried chicken.