@LizHackett: Eating Triscuits always feels like I'm chewing very small wicker lawn furniture while a family of dolls in beach outfits stares at me in horror.
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@sbellelauren: thank god 50 shades of grey got the R rating they wanted because what kid under 18 wouldn't want to watch 50 shades of grey with a parent
@goodballs: If your bf/gf is mad at you put a cape on them and say, "Now you're super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
@Rollinintheseat: When you're talking to someone with no teeth, you find out teeth are also a retaining wall for spit.