We grew up in the golden age of cartoons.
*eats 3 edibles*
…am….am I my dogs sugar daddy
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I want to say I’m a good person but nothing brings me greater joy than going exactly the speed limit when someone tailgates me
Scientists report global context shortage. “I guess I’ll have flan,” some scientist said, totally out of context.
Just got out of the shower and lotioned up Unfortunately I’m not a chick so this won’t get 624 faves
me: I lost the boy
me: at the burrito stand
me: I turned around for a second
me: and then for a third
Some people follow their dreams, I follow lunatics on the internet.
My “I’m enraged!” status update on Facebook garnered a lot of congratulations from people who don’t read well.
Mechanic: you need a new carburetor
Me: you can call it a buretor, I know lots about cars, I’m like you
DATING TIP: Pick up the check. Pick up the table. Pick up the chairs and the waitress and the bartender. Everyone loves upper body strength.
I need a punctuation mark that is halfway between a period and an exclamation point so I can answer texts without sounding bored or insane.