@Papa_Mex: Either the dude in the bathroom was having a surprise birth, or he needs to eat a LOT less hay in his diet....
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@mom_ontherocks: Kid: I love you so much! Me: Aww, baby, I love you too. Kid: No mom, the dog. I love the dog so much. Me: Yeah, I love the dog more than you too.
@NewDadNotes: Mom: [carries in womb for 10 months, breastfeeds another 12 months, quits job to stay at home and raise our daughter] Me: [does the going downstairs behind the couch gag] Daughter: Daddy’s my best friend!