Sorry I threw your baby but there was a spider on her.
You Might Also Like
Took over 70 days of quarantine but we finally got that roll of Christmas wrapping paper from behind the bedroom door put away.
Torturer: just tell me what I need know
Torturer: *bites ice cream using his front teeth*
Me: OKAY I’ll talk
Her: Hi! I’m Sus… wait… is that your dog with you?
*Dog sniffs her and turns to me, shaking his head*
An old Russian wisdom:
Tell me who your friends are,
And I’ll tell you what
you’ll be charged with.
Group of 12 year old girls: We’re scared of boys. Me: OMG, me tooooooo!
They say your home is your castle.
But the second you build a dungeon in the basement someone inevitably calls the cops
My parents were very inspirational, they used to say:
“You can do whatever you want in life, as long as you don’t do it here.”
The guy next door just put up his Christmas lights… I bet he’s pissed because I beat him, I put mine up 5 years ago..