@dave_cactus

[Enter password: ] MyPeeeeeeeeenis
[Error: password too long]
*high fives my laptop right off the desk*

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I saw a billboard that said, “Be her Romeo” and featured a pic of a diamond ring. Apparently they have not read Shakespeare.

@Reverend_Scott

Obama: Wave at the people, Joe.

Biden: IMMA POINT AT’EM

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Biden:

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@ShootyDoody

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@KenJennings

If my kid vanished on a plane like in that Jodie Foster movie I’d spend maybe 2-3 hrs enjoying the legroom & quiet before I started looking.

@Ivsy01

A guy in line next to me just asked me to hold his coffee and I’m like I’m not looking for anything serious right now.