My niece said I look like a mom. So now we’re playing a game, sorta like Hide-N-Seek, except I hide her and no one finds her. Ever.
[Enter password: ] MyPeeeeeeeeenis
[Error: password too long]
*high fives my laptop right off the desk*
You Might Also Like
OH COME ON
My neighbours were loud and rowdy last night til 3:30, waking up our kids.
So now my husband is outside starting up the leaf blower and table saw at 9am, in case you wondered what middle class suburban feuds in Canada looked like.
Dream catchers imply the existence of dream pitchers, dream shortstops, an entire dream team.
Maybe if we start the ‘Read a Book Challenge’ we can raise awareness for stupidity.
BRAIN: You awake?
ME: I am now!
B: I was wondering..
B: Did the inventor of the elasticated waistband get the Nobelt Prize?
My parents: “the virus cannot survive in hot places so you need to periodically gargle boiling water and run a hairdryer at your throat”
Me: “…how did you raise me without killing me”
For cardio, I drive before the windshield is defrosted.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that irritate me the most.
Asian women look 16 forever and one day out of nowhere look 159 years old.