me as a kid: that microwave in spy kids where you can make instant mcdonalds is my dream come true
me now as an adult: that microwave in spy kids where you can make instant mcdonalds is my dream come true
[your password is incorrect]
Me: ahh that’s right
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CHASE: Hi we are calling to check for fraud you spent $40 at 7/11
CHASE: Then you went to Taco Bell at 3am
ME: Are these questions
You can give a centaur a fish AND lead him to water, which is pretty awesome.
yeah sex is cool but have you tried washing your dishes right after you use them so they never pile up in the sink???
Swordfish: my nose looks ridiculous.
God: at least you have a cool name.
God: I could have made you look ridiculous AND have a dumb name.
Swordfish: but why would you do that to someone?
Hammerhead Shark: yes God why would you do that to someone?
Nerdy trick. Impress your friends by taking cube roots in your head
Step 1: memorise the following:
Step 2: get a friend to take a calculator and enter a 2 digit number and then cube that number and tell you the answer
Girl: I’ve always had a bit of a thing for bad boys
Dog: [starts putting on his coat] I don’t think this is gonna work out
APOLLO: I’ll be god of the sun
HERMES: OK I’ll take light-
A: I’m also light
ARTEMIS: I’ll take music
A: No I’m also music. That’s me too