estão todos miauvindo?
You Might Also Like
I would describe most of my social interactions at parties as “when you turn on the kitchen faucet and the water hits a spoon in the sink”
You cause one minor incident at a museum and everyone is “Irreplaceable Egyptian mummy” this and “Could have used regular toilet paper” that
If you pour two beers in one glass, it’s just one beer.
I’m NOT ashamed of my body. I worked hard for athletic build, healthy brown hair, 4 gorgeous legs, strong neck, big wet nose, clip clop feet
I’m jealous of Eminem because my mom never made me spaghetti
I basically have three hairstyles.
1. Straight
2. Wavy
3. Homeless
Sometimes? I’m slipping
everyone calls you Cass and just assumes it’s short for Cassandra, but really your name is Casserole
If I’m eating at a restaurant and see a movie star, I always take a pen and paper over and ask “Will you pay for my meal?”
i love meeting boys on tinder
it took me a moment to realize the NYPD commissioner who was just raided by the feds is the NYPD commissioner who succeeded the NYPD commissioner who was raided by the feds a few weeks ago and then resigned
Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying
Good morning people…..I woke up feeling myself this morning….wait that doesn’t sound right. What I meant is I woke up feeling confidant
Content is king. But timing is everything. Then again… location, location, location. You should probably just do everything perfectly.
At this point the only thing Lady Gaga could do that would shock me is to come out on stage wearing a sensible pantsuit from Talbots.
I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag
indiana??? now they’re just making up states
Rose: [in Titanic] I’ll never let go, Jack
Jack: 🥶
Elsa from Frozen: lol know what would be funny right now
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
my friend’s kid asked me if i had any games on phone so i let her text my ex.
a group of ocelots is called an awfelot
oh my godddd my cat just asked for food while I was making creme brûlée lmao what an idiot read the room Steven
It’s always fun to put a rainbow bumper sticker on your homophobic friend’s car.
I’m only leaving the house today so my selfies will have new backgrounds.
CDC: You can take your mask off if you’re fully vaccinated
AMATEUR VENTRILOQUIST: Goddammit
Of course I have critical thinking skills I’m thinking critically of you right now.
Me: You touched my heart.
Cardiologist: You’re not supposed to be awake, but thanks. LOL
Got to my dad’s house and he was showing me all the food he has for me to snack on and he goes “and I have a guacamole ball” what’s a guacamole ball you ask? well I will tell you. an avocado. He has an avocado.
I hate elevators, they give me vertigo
I take many steps to avoid them
T Mobile confirming my account via text when I have no service will not be lost on me.