@Super_Cynthia
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.
@somelightcrying
Ever find a mirror that makes you look really good and you’re like oh OK this is where I live now I live in this airport restroom now
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@Super_Cynthia
@patnspankme
my favorite posts on fb are the people who apologize for not having be on in a while and nobody cares that they’re back
@GuyThe_Guy
Autocorrect just turned “stepdaughter” into “lying manipulative drug addict that lives in the basement and brings dudes in thru the slider”
@davidmackau
the girl behind me on this 14 hr flight has brought a UKULELE and she is PLAYING IT
@TomSchally
It’s adorable how I write “beer” on my shopping list like I’d somehow forget.
@JillianKarger
REPORTER: Today a 25-year old dog is playing dead for the first time. It goes to show that old dogs really can learn… Oh goddamn it.
@buhsbaby_baby
If you think my laughter is infectious, you should try having unprotected sex with me.
@elunatyk
Masks have freed me to do a whole lot of weird things with my mouth in public that I never even knew I wanted to do.
@adamgreattweet
When is it appropriate to double text someone?
I want my mom to buy some Scooby Doo gummies and she isn’t responding