@markydoodoo: Ever say hi to someone and immediately regret it because now you know you have to say hi to them forever?
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@BuckyIsotope: Kanye West builds a time machine so he can interrupt himself interrupting Taylor Swift.
@jjhartinger: [ring] Me: Hi Mom: You picked up. Me: I know M: Why Me: You called M: I wanted to leave a message Me: Just tell me M: Hang up [ring] Me: Hi
@NicestHippo: GOD: Done! Every animal niche perfectly filled WOODPECKERS: We didn't get anything GOD: Oh. Uh...just pound trees with your face
@Home_Halfway: *chasing after the person that just robbed my house* TEXT ME WHEN YOU GET HOME SO I KNOW YOU GOT BACK SAFELY