Teens are leaving FB for Twitter & Instagram to escape parents. Silly rabbits, we were here first.
“Every family on 2013 had ‘quite the year’.” – study conducted using Christmas newsletters
You Might Also Like
Him: I’m leaving you
Me: is it because I constantly misquote Shakespeare?
Him: you compared me to a Summer’s Eve™…
Me: parting is such sweet and sour 🙁
Time traveller: I’m from the future
Me: prove it
*he pulls out next weeks newspaper*
Me: nice try, they’ve already invented newspapers
(On phone) Him: I just ran a marathon in under four? Me: (eating) months or years?
Someone told me that Harry Potter is supposed to take place between 1991 and 1998 which is ridiculous because not once in seven books does a single character say, “Man the Chicago Bulls are having a hell of a run huh?”.
TOP 5 PAINFUL THINGS:
5: relationship breakup
4. going to prison
3. disease diagnosis
2. death of a loved one
When I’m at a bar with my cousin she doesn’t think it’s funny when I yell ‘BUT HE’S YOUR GYNECOLOGIST!’ every time the music dies down.
Benadryl smart as hell. U cant have allergies when u asleep for 7 hours
Fun experiment: Go into any store and ask for “the big stupid looking guy” see who they bring you
DOCTOR: a new study says the meds ur on cause hallucinations
LARGE MENACING CACTUS THAT FOLLOWS ME EVERYWHERE: was it peer reviewed?