There is no “I” in the word “team,” but I don’t think that means anything about team work. That’s just how it’s spelled.
Everyone wants to save the world, but no one wants to do the dishes.
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handyman: figured out why your cupboard keeps opening
me: *nodding* ghosts
handyman: …this screw is loose
me: how would a ghost get a screwdriver?
Me at 25: I would never date anyone who smokes.
Me now: I would never date anyone.
You know what doesn’t cry? Birth control
me: freedom implies the existence of freesub
subway: we said no
*Passive-aggressively skips through your selfies and only likes pics of your dog*
Me: What’s the suite number on that address?
8: It just says “Hashtag 301.”
Me: Before hashtags were born, those were called number signs.
Guns don’t avoid critical thinking by leaning on tired aphorisms. People do.