Dracula: I vant to suck your blood!
Me, a waiter: Is Pepsi okay?
Dracula: *sighing* I guess.
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My key takeaway from Ghostbusters was that once you’re dead, your Miranda rights don’t count for shit.
Frosted Mini Wheats. For when you’re craving hay with sugar on top.
Had a discussion with my boss about how lanyards can strangle…. conversation took a turn…. I am either fired or getting a HUGE raise x2
In school it be like 2+2=4. Homework: 2×8+3=19. Then the test: Juan has 4 apples, his train is 7 minutes early, calculate the suns mass. Wtf
Doesn’t eat all day cause jeans shopping later.
Me: I like that racecar.
Her: You know that’s a palindrome.
Me *rolls eyes*: I’m pretty sure it’s a Ferrari.
How awkward would it have been for coach if he put in Air Bud and they lost.
Caught my son running a Google search for “adult entertainment”. I was mortified. We are strictly a Bing family.
Many people are shocked when they find out I’m not a good electrician.