@HallpassCanada: Everytime I check my facebook I remember why i'm on Twitter.
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@Slim_is_Fat: (Watching Liar Liar) Wife: If you couldn't lie for 24 hrs, how much longer would we be married? Me: Until the end of this movie.
@LoveNLunchmeat: I'm gonna be in trouble when my kids are older and realize how much of my parenting advice is just Kenny Rogers lyrics.
@bad_as_you_want: My boss said , "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting wearing my wonder woman costume