Answers phone, makes modem noises…
Evil villain: You can run but you can’t hide!
Me: That’s where you’re wrong pal. *out of breath* I can’t do either
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If listening to a 30 minute explanation of a 5 minute YouTube clip sounds fun, parenting may be right for you.
I’m not seeing “cat herder” on any of these job websites.
daaaaang i look good
Hey, baby, you wanna come back to my place, and become a famous murder victim?
The only thing I DON’T like about renting a summer cottage is having to adapt to a new kitchen. You reach for the chef’s knife but pull out the bread knife because the handles are identical! And there’s NO time to make another selection because the killer is coming right at you.
[lowering myself Mission Impossible style from the ceiling and hovering over your sleeping body]
Me, whispering: So, what did you mean by “oh.” in that text message?
Are you watching Point Break or The Fast and the Furious?
I set my alarm in a way to try to trick morning-me into getting up earlier, but morning-me is a math wizard and cannot be fooled.
Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything