[god making pugs]
What if a football had asthma?
Exercise workout videos always have the person smiling. I would rather have a video where the lead person is complain cussing the whole time and saying things like Why are we doing this? This is horrible.
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If Target didn’t want anyone singing “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” into a hairbrush they shouldn’t have it playing over the store intercom.
You’re not allowed to be an eyewitness on the news unless you’re the most confused person at the scene.
Dogs have it good. No one ever wraps my pills in thin sliced roast beef.
Dear Alcohol, we had a deal. u were suppose 2 make me funnier, smarter & put me in a good mood…. I saw the photos – we need to talk.
car mechanic: I’m tired
drummer: I’m beat
pipe layer: I’m drained
gardener: I’m bushed
chef: I’m fried
tailor: I’m worn
plumber: I’m pooped
My daughter had two Barbies arguing and now one of them is getting a haircut, so I think we all know who won that argument.
To make a long story short, just walk away once you’re bored.
[walking around still disappointed 6 hours after visiting an aquarium]
wife: what did you think a tiger shark was, brent
I’m no auto mechanic but I’m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes