@isabelzawtun

Facebook 2007: are you a teenager who wants to find out if your crush is single?

Facebook 2017: are you an aunt who wants revenge

You Might Also Like

@MarfSalvador

[buying condoms]
assistant: would you like a bag?
me: are they cheaper?

@KKAlThani

The girl at the table next to me is having a salad. Not as a starter, but as a main course like some kind of rabbit.

@prawn_meat

if you get caught speeding and a cop asks you “where’s the fire” you can just make up an address. they don’t have a list of current fires.

@Paxochka

Saying “bukkake” when people sneeze is the new “gezundheit”, honest.

@thesulk

Of course this is the year I bring my famous Romaine pie to my in-laws.

@GreenEyedJedi

I once dated a guy who left a trail of rose petals leading to a sinkful of dirty dishes.

@brownboklit

me: i’m sad

rich people: then remove yourself from your toxic environment. quit your job now and fly to milan. shop for a week straight and buy a yacht it helps me heal. build a house in the tropics and drink fresh fruit juice the power is yours don’t be lazy and complain

@BobWhite1975

8- Dad, why is there oxygen on earth, but not on any other planet?

M- Are you sure you just don’t want to know where baby’s come from?

@TheTweetOfGod

People who criticize the Bible should keep in mind it was My first novel.